HEAVY, HEAVY, HEAVY

Inspo & Thinspo full stop

Being such a lazy ass cut & paste blogger right now, I know. Very demotivated, unproductive and horny these days but I'm hoping the arrival of 2010 should sock me in the gut or something...

So anyways, this is a really good fucking blog and it literally just started up, so go away...but come back soon.

PATCHIN' THAT SHIT UP

So I got a lot of great gifts this year; things I actually didn't know I was getting too (which is rare). But one thing I expect to receive from my parents without fail every year is some sort of self-help book or two. It's fascinating.

So this time around I got 3:
-The 5 Essential People Skills: How to Assert Yourself, Listen to Others, and Resolve Conflicts (honestly, I think my dad and I should go through this one together)
-God Explained in a Taxi Ride (I admire their persistence with this God thing, really)
and Skinny Bitchin'

which I picked out myself, of course. I've read their other bitchy books and learned a lot of really good bitchy stuff about being skinny and cooking skinny, so now that I'm skinny, I figured I needed to learn how to work it, so I put this in my skinny stocking. It's like an annotated journal chock full of skinny bitch advice. Let me share some:

Know this and be okay with it: Not everyone is going to like you.

Feeling sorry for yourself? Have at it. Bask in your misery for a solid fifteen minutes. But then get it together and cut the shit! Life's too short. Deal with what's ailing you and put it behind you.

Are you a pussy? Stand up for yourself today. Are you a bully? Be gentle today.

Get your fat ass off the couch and go to the gym, go for a hike, or go ride a bike. Push yourself today (in a healthy, safe way)

If you are or have ever been a doormat, journal about it. By the time you're done writing you better be a fucking goddess!

You know that guy you've been obsessing over for 3 years who's just not that into you? He's an axe murderer. So thank the universe for looking out for you and move on. Make a list of all the things you know suck about him (but were unwilling to admit yourself).

Seriously, by far, the coolest thing about Madonna: She does whatever the fuck she wants and never apologizes for it. Find your inner Madonna today and see how long you can keep her around.

Are you estranged from a family member or friend? Write down what happened to cause the rift from your side, then approach it from his or hers. Then ask yourself: "Is it more important for me to be right than to be at peace?" If the answer is yes, you're a jackass. Patch that shit up!

YOU CAN NEVER BE SURE WHO YOU'RE GONNA END UP NEXT TO

Hi.
I had a shockingly good Christmas.
I smell of Virginia Slims and boy.
Also, in the morning...

...I made feeble attempts to test this shit out. I'm gonna let it tangle and rot and hopefully I'll soon have one very cute dreadlock. I've been very inspired by neon, braiding, and fictional tribal existences like Pandora in the movie Avatar, so my 2010 style is coming together to that effect...with the ever present black, leather, sheer and drapey bits, but also with more epaulets and S&M. Approach if you dare and I'll probably shoot you then lick the gun.

Anyway I'm going to start collecting daggers like I always wanted to as a child. I'll probably also try to learn Arabic, lose more weight, stick to this no-carb thing as long as possible, get a job at a magazine, find great guilt-free sex, start working on my two business projects and be very very smoking fucking hot. New Year's Resolutions, anyone?

Oh, and to make up for the last post, these two songs are seriously stuck:

Seriously...no one can touch Juliette!

I DON'T WANNA BE FRIENDS

Dear Dirty Reader,
I hate to do this to you...really...

...but it just won't. Fucking. Budge. And. I've. Been. Stomping. Around. My. House. Zombie. Style. And. Nonsense. Ga-ga-lore...

...she should hire sexy submissives (a la Gwen's Harajuku Girls)...stripper slaves...yeah...(oh, pick me, pretty please).

TAKING IS THE NEW GIVING

Christmas 09 by thelonelylondoner

Just some of the things I might want to receive (or have) this year, not including pilates classes at Soma, a hula hoop, money for my Philippines trip, a nipple piercing, a tattoo or 2, gift certificates at Zara and Topshop and A LOT OF OTHER THINGS! But feel free to click for details if you see something you'd like to get someone last minute though. I'll probably do another one of these because dreaming trumps everything else I'm doing right now (which is why I haven't been blogging).

SHIT, it's been a minute! How you been? My grandmother's visiting for the holidays and has taken over my room so I now room with my 14 year old sister. I also got offered a small gig for the next couple weeks and was turned it down a couple days later due to them finding someone with more experience last minute (hence twiddling my thumbs madly while waiting for this other pay check to come in). I also became a chocolate junkie over the last few days without even realising it which, while having a one to one moment with my stomach today, we realised is due to my severely limited diet of no meats or carbs, because I have NEVER been one of those chocolate frenzied women - in fact, I don't usually eat it at all. So shit's been a bit lame on this end, which is why I'm happy to have Into the Wild, Almost Famous and back to back CSI on Show On Demand on our TV right now, as well as a newly bought bottle of Absolut Rock (featured above) which I bought in Duty Free on my way back from Trinidad.

OH! And my mother and I are thinking of starting a business! I don't know...we have a wild idea (that's not really so wild, but more than doable) and I'm not going to fuck it up by saying anything just yet so I hope this Polyvore set will suffice for now until I'm back in top form.

AND WELCOME TO NEW FOLLOWERS! I would advise you otherwise but I no longer give advice - whatever floats your boat.

THESE COLOURS DON'T RUN

Some Drop Snap inspiration I had on my desktop for a while. Swirl these babes into one beautifully complex being and you'll get what I've been aiming to dress like recently.




But sometimes it's just so damn hard to get out of these Vans and hoodies.

LIKE A FLASHBACK

Been a while. I've been around...

biking along the waterfrontwith my brother

admiring 'Our Father Zayed'
and boats
and drinking muscle builder shakes with peanut butter and whey protein in it
and running from the rain
and chowing on sashimi salads
and raving like a resident disco rat (Creamfields was amazing!)

Looking...pretty damn good, I must say. One of my favourite things to do these days is examine myself naked, and I'm thinking of becoming a naturist once I get my own place haha. I'll tell you, though, it's been no easy fate - 10 mile bike rides and yoga everyday, plus I banned carbs.

Reading...the same damn Murakami novel because I've been so fucking busy

Living...in an apartment building surrounded by insane levels of murky water (our one day of rain a year turns the nation into fucking Atlantis

Working...freelance for a beauty mag that's just starting up here, and writing a couple features here and there for some other folks

Listening to...totally in a raving state of mind after Creamfields (Calvin Harris, Deadmau5...) and pretty much anything thumpy I can cycle to for 45 mins straight on my 10 mile rides.

Drinking...pure green tea, iced chai tea lattes, pure melon juice, nai cha, and the occasional can of Heinekken.

Watching...not much, but Persepolis was on earlier and I think that's a decent movie. Otherwise, we're all mostly stunned by the floods downstairs and have been filming it all day.

Smelling of...chlorine and Garnier Fructis products

Eating...anything but carbs

Dreaming of...the wildest dream I had recently involved me getting matching nipple piercings and being boob cuddly with my 'girlfriend' Rihanna (I swear, I'm not even attracted to her so I don't know what that was about but I called my ex to tell him as soon as I woke up because I thought he would appreciate the gesture)

Wearing...Vans and my favourite dirty black skinnies, hoodies and leather (can't be arsed quite often these days and these pieces never fail)....or workout clothing

Trying...not getting insanely trashed when I socialize (so far so good)

Wanting...everything that Bona Drag and Alex and Chloe are stocking is on my Christmas list this year. I've been dreading a Christmas wishlist blog post because that content is too hot (and expensive) to handle.

SHAKE APPEAL

I don't fucking know why this always happens to my 14 year old sister (and I wish she would stop!) but before getting a knock on the door yesterday afternoon (2 hours before showtime), my sister was pining over the fact that she didn't get a ticket for The Killers playing at Emirates Palace last night. Yet all she had to do was be home to answer that door because when she did, it was the demure Filipina living opposite us giving away a free ticket they received and didn't plan to use. THEN when she got there and had the best time (she described the show as 'Coldplay amazing'), her friend dropped 2 tickets to this in her lap, which my brother and I were about to buy tickets for the very next day. So now, we're spending the day busting our asses to buy her a ticket out of gratitude. I'm also working from home today (doing a week's worth of freelance work with a new mag here in the UAE), so I thought I would take a minute to post something (or re-post something I wrote and LOVED for Bitching and Junkfood...and which I think matches well with the rave-type event I'll be attending this weekend, thanks to my hooked up sis.


...that being THE MOTHERFUCKING HAIR in this Testino shoot for November's UK Vogue! I'm on it.

And for those who asked, my grandmother isn't getting better (and she won't) but she is still alive and coping. Thanks for your concern.

HOT AND COLD AND STRANGE ALL OVER MY DAYS

I don't even remember if I told you that I was running off to Trinidad for approximately 4.5 days because of my severely ill grandmother. I decided the day before my mother was leaving that I wanted to go. It took us 2 days to get here, taking 3 flights via New York and Miami, so understandably, I didn't give a fuck about blogging and that should explain my absence. Half-hearted apologies while I feed my fragile, inert mama, finish up student pedagogical cards, maintain inebriation by night with half a million cousins, burp half a million new baby relatives and work on my Skin Two feature. Have some pictures of lunch at House of Jaipur (fantastic tearoom and store specialising in goods and fine gifts from Jaipur, India), and a good day.

A TOPSY TURVY STATE OF AFFAIRS

I personally think Christmas is so boring/dramatic/sad, so we try to mix shit up a little bit every year (if not with my drinking).


My brother and father so far remain the only persons terrified, whereas everyone else who drops by is excitedly running back to their cars to grab their cameras (not to mention, I've been getting numerous requests for "exclusive" photos on this). Maybe we should hang upside down crucifixes and/or weapons from it like these.

CAUGHT IN A BAD ROMANCE

Okay, I have a minute to spare before frantic movements to prepare for an impromptu flight to Trinidad via New York tonight; not to mention I just got my foot in the door with some publishing agents in London and have to get cracking on some proper fictional presentations now, along with the Skin Two feature I am still breaking my back to finish. But apart from shamelessly praising myself on those (but this IS a blog about me, hence justified), I wanted to feel like a shiny shilling for a minute over all the comments I am gathering on my posts over at Bitching and Junkfood (who is selling B&J duct tape now? - sexiest idea ever maybe?). I also thought you might want a link to my latest entry on Daphne Guinness; something I've been dying to post about for a while...

Also, they're offering a 15% discount to newbies signing up for their newsletter, so maybe you might wanna do that so you could get further ahead than me on these purchases (which I am still trying to find the money for). And they are constantly updating the site with more mesmerizing shit that it just pains me to watch. So clickity click, motherfucker!

BACKING DOWN DON'T FIGURE WHEN IT COMES AROUND

So by chance last week I went to the salon next door and got my nails done, something I never do, but decided to on a whim because I just snagged a sick pale, minty green nail colour I'm going to call Chanel Green (and because we get discounts there as my dad's airline staff). And while there, I picked up some magazine or other and found the most exciting article on these crazy Ukranian chicks shredding up the forest as part of this 150 strong tribe devoted to mastery in martial arts, boxing and duelling with medieval weapons. They're reviving ancient Amazonian tribal traditions, as well as seeking complete autonomy from men . They call themselves the 'Asgarda' and idolize Yulia Tymoshenko, the icon of the Orange Revolution and leader of the Ukrainian Fatherland party.

As bizarre as this all sounds, I can't help but be drawn to these kids and so wish I could get some disciplinary training myself up in the Carpathian Mountains (and why the hell not, as there are no longer men in my life). In addition to this, I've always had an inclination toward daggers/swords/sharp objects since I was about 13 (yes, including knife play fantasies - you know me so well) and have always wanted to learn to floor someone while wielding a fucking...scythe or something (boobs hanging out et al) - as much as the tough-sexy-girl-with-weapon act has been beaten to death by Hollywood, I still find it so appealing.

Anyway, here are some stunning photos of the girls taken by French photographer Guillaume Herbaut when he went to visit them in 2004.


Literally too cool for school (AND for fashion, what with the less than partly shaved heads!)...Taking this article in to incorporate into my lesson plan tomorrow, as well as this - because 75% of my class is burka clad.

IT'S ALL ABOUT HEARTACHE EITHER WAY

[Picture from Garance Dore]

I've already been doing my hair like this in recent times, with a more bird's nest type behaviour so apart from that, my goal is to look like this by 2010. How sophisticated is that?! Everything fits perfectly. Nothing is in excess/nothing is lacking, and a touch of personality comes into play with the cute surf-board necklace. This is how you do it! Who is this woman?!

THE CLOSEST I'VE BEEN TO A BAR WAS AT BALLET CLASS

So my mum and I picked up this Sophisticated Ladies blues compilation (Eartha Kitt, Peggie Lee, Ella Fitzgerald, Billie Holiday, Nina Simone etc.) yesterday and have been listening to it all night while draping an upside down Christmas tree (pictures to come). Neither one of us could sleep a wink and are back up 4 hours later listening to it again, cackling and staring at our glittering tornado creation. The album is hauntingly lovely and swanky and all but there probably isn't a hint of sophistication in it save for their voices. Pretty fucking interesting lyrics that I need to make a note of for some printed t-shirts. And you know if I'm thinking of doing that, it's not good.

Ummm...so what's been going on...? Well, my dad's 50th is tomorrow (but we don't have to worry too much about him because he already got himself the mid-life Porsche he wanted and he will simply pretend to like whatever spa treatment certificate and jazz compilation we give him, then speed off into the sunset). And my mum is getting into her frazzled yule-tide mess as she threatens to fall off ladders decking the house out in every piece of glittery/shimmery substance it can take. Mind you, it looks stunning upon finale but by Christmas Eve, we would have reached critical mass and never wanted to hear from Christmas ever again, the way she goes about this thing... (someone always throws tantrums on Christmas Day). Me? I'm not too much of a fuss anymore as long as I make exemplary ponche creme to toast with and get a tricked out smoked salmon and egg breakfast the morning of.

Okay...what else? Well, I'm slowly on the mend, although I'm not sure being back on Prozac is going to contribute much to that (but it doesn't hurt). I don't sleep or eat much and I take 9 mile stationary bike rides set on a strenuous fitness program without even breaking a sweat. My hair's grown pretty long without me even realising it...and at a time when I'd like to cut it like a boy or shave the sides (but that would be cliche). I'm a 2-day Academic Writing teacher who's, what I like to call, Moving Forward/FWD (Functioning With Depression) and who wants to pierce her left nipple. That sums it up beautifully, with a hint of TMI. But with breasts like mine, I thought you'd want to know ;p (Is there a safe way to get this done in the Emirates?). And back to lesson planning.

I DANCED ALL NIGHT, I SOLD MY SOUL

Umm...this definitely puts a lot into perspective.

Remember me giving linkage to Daul Kim's blog back in April because I thought she was rad? Well...she killed herself. One of my favourite models, an artist, this beautiful girl my age, just killed herself. Not only is it eerie because yesterday I completely flipped out and thought of killing myself, but was instead force-fed Prozac and English Breakfast tea and put to bed (feeling better now, thanks), but it's eerie because I've been following this girl's life for a while and I always used to get this haunted feeling from some of her more personal posts; like something was definitely not right; hollow, sad...I feel like I have this living, breathing, haunted memento of her on my blog roll. It's giving me the chills. Her last post is enough to have my heart racing.

And I have a question to ask other bloggers and readers: do you ever feel like there is something you could've done to help that person on your computer screen? Because you've been keeping track of their lives via RSS? Because you think you know what they're capable of? Because you are somehow really close to that person? I feel like that. Like it's a character in a book you empathize with...but they're real. I feel kind of guilty. I feel sad. I feel confused. How weird would it have been to have found out that I killed myself after you had read my last post on deciding to keep the blog, with blurry images of me being happy and drunk and going clubbing? The blogosphere is a really trippy place. I knew I should've left. It's so personal...but so distant...how can that be?....what to say? So fucking confused...

She wrote this. I liked it. RIP Daul...

i danced all night

i sold my soul

i sang a song

killed everyone

i realized space

i abandoned love

i bought blood

i hid my tears

BLAME IT ON THE A-A-A...

Fuck it. Love you fuckers.
But I'll be back. Gone drinking, dancing and sexing at Etoile.

THIS TIME, BABY, I'LL BE BULLETPROOF

Hey guys,

...so congratulations to you rare few who witnessed my breakdown the other day in a post which I've deleted as promised. All apologies, and thanks for the support. It was never my intention to tarnish my blog with crap like that, and as much as depression is the only thing governing my life right now, I won't let it happen on my watch. Honestly, I'd like to shut this whole thing down now. I'm beyond it...like I'm beyond a lot of things, including training bras, good skin, love and relationships - I just don't really want to be around or get too close to anyone or anything anymore. BUT I have a thing going with other blogs so I can't exactly just up and leave; at least not without notice. But if I continue at this rate, my feelings will be all over this thing like butter on toast and no one's gonna like the final product (and that would suck since a lot of people have started following me recently - hi, and sorry you came at such a bad time). So I'm going to take a couple of days to think about what I want to do about A Dirty Word. Maybe I'll start another blog and not tell anyone about it and see who shows up. But maybe I'll miss you fuckers to bits, recapture my thrown and continue my bullshit a refreshed person. No clue at this stage - it's all a blur. So, yeah I've brought bad news but hey, at least it's the weekend. Have a good one. x

YOU CAN UNTRAIN YOURSELF TO NOTICE

Random picture of me today, bored out of my skull after an interview with a magazine editor, and on my way to the massive Dubai Mall for this Grazia X Banana Republic sale and fashion event. Never made it because I never got the memo about Dubai making it virtually impossible to pick up a taxi between the hours of 4 and 6pm, and the one about the buses not accepting any money whatsoever. Also got extremely lost following signs to a non-existent metro station, then settled myself near the valet man at a nearby hotel in the hopes that he and his team could find me a taxi, which they couldn't. Called for one to come get me. Called back 30 minutes later and they had apparently given up on me. Finally shoved a guy out of one when they pulled up, and headed to the sole Wagamama in Dubai where I ate my usual dish (except half the size) and thought of my Wagamama frenzied friends back in London. Hadn't eaten squat all day so also ordered a side and copious wine, then headed to Trader Vic's tiki bar upstairs, where I would recommend the after dinner cocktail called White Cloud, which probably beats any dessert platter any day; AND it was happy hour, so indulged in 2 at half price before heading home. Taxi man had to wake me when we got to the station (as dessert drinks had totally nailed, not just hit, the spot), then ran for my life to catch the 2 hour bus home to Abu Dhabi. Now home watching VH1 and sipping green tea and thinking how miserable this all was.

On another note, OMG The XX is on VH1 in the Middle East - recognise their voices anywhere! Well done, kids!....but seriously, someone send me back to London. At least over there the Wagamama is a decent size, the buses take my shit coins and I can at least have a skinny boy with beautiful hair in my arms by the end of a miserable night.

FINDING THE CONSTELLATION OF THE HEART

How 'lush' (as you brits say) is this light fixture?!? Designer Winnie Lui is literally swimming through my head! I must have this full stop

-------------
hearing the best things on Reality Hell right now, like 'Put some jingle in those balls!' (just making a note of it here so I can remember).