I DANCED ALL NIGHT, I SOLD MY SOUL

Umm...this definitely puts a lot into perspective.

Remember me giving linkage to Daul Kim's blog back in April because I thought she was rad? Well...she killed herself. One of my favourite models, an artist, this beautiful girl my age, just killed herself. Not only is it eerie because yesterday I completely flipped out and thought of killing myself, but was instead force-fed Prozac and English Breakfast tea and put to bed (feeling better now, thanks), but it's eerie because I've been following this girl's life for a while and I always used to get this haunted feeling from some of her more personal posts; like something was definitely not right; hollow, sad...I feel like I have this living, breathing, haunted memento of her on my blog roll. It's giving me the chills. Her last post is enough to have my heart racing.

And I have a question to ask other bloggers and readers: do you ever feel like there is something you could've done to help that person on your computer screen? Because you've been keeping track of their lives via RSS? Because you think you know what they're capable of? Because you are somehow really close to that person? I feel like that. Like it's a character in a book you empathize with...but they're real. I feel kind of guilty. I feel sad. I feel confused. How weird would it have been to have found out that I killed myself after you had read my last post on deciding to keep the blog, with blurry images of me being happy and drunk and going clubbing? The blogosphere is a really trippy place. I knew I should've left. It's so personal...but so distant...how can that be?....what to say? So fucking confused...

She wrote this. I liked it. RIP Daul...

i danced all night

i sold my soul

i sang a song

killed everyone

i realized space

i abandoned love

i bought blood

i hid my tears