Saturday, July 4, 2009


Yesterday was not so good. My mom was throwing a surprise going away party for one of her oldest friends in Abu Dhabi and I took over the design and decorating reigns. The theme was Christmas in July...I was lugging fuckin' christmas trees from the basement with a string of lights wrapped around my waist like a good idea for a belt. At the same time, the other day I started taking exercise routines from this website called and wouldn't leave the gym until I had good and proper fucked myself up. So, getting up on a ladder to string lights meant throwing myself off it to get down. I could not bend anything in my lower body, and I was smiling about it (I love gym pain). But okay, so why was it a bad day. After about 8 hours of feeling like style director of House Beautiful, I realised the door to our dog's little room was wide open. Turns out my dad took the dog first thing in the morning to be put down without telling any of us. Dropped what I was doing and went bawling to my room. This was an hour before showtime, as I was also invited to the party. Your girl got good and proper dressed the fuck up and good and proper wasted. She also sliced her leg open on the door of the stove SOMEHOW??! I hadn't even noticed how bad it was until my leg started spurting shit everywhere. Squeezed the bits of flesh together while my mom threw on some plasters, the colour of which I obviously stopped to choose, then my sister brought me some ice cream and I took myself to my room. I woke up with the phone off the hook in my left hand. Panda said I called him and talked about cats crossing streets, asked him why he loved me and bawled some more about my dog then passed out 5 minutes later. The end.

Oh, and the greasy shit's honey. I've been reading up a lot on food lately and how they can cure basically everything you normally turn to over the counter junk for. And honey supposedly kills bacteria, disinfects wounds and sores, reduces perception to pain, alleviates asthma, soothes sore throats, calms the nerves, induces sleep and relieves diarrhea...and smells good. I'm truly amazed by food now and am hoping to ween myself off of drugs this year. I'm so proud of myself for not grabbing two aspirin first thing this morning for my throbbing hangover and just green tea'ing it back to health instead. What a fucking hippie.


Anonymous said...

your drunk dialing habits are hilarious

Kara said...