AND THE HARDEST PART WAS NOT LETTING GO NOT TAKING PART

This is my dog Rigby. Well, my brother's. He asked for him for his 18th birthday. He came into our lives in October 2008 as a frantic little puppy that I thought had popped a couple MDMA. But no, that was not his case. He was just an awesome fuckin' puppy. He pissed everywhere and ate my socks, but it was pure love.

I was busy sleeping my life away when he came into my room to wake and greet me this afternoon, along with my brother at the other end of the leash. He promptly started chewing on my neon pink flip flops. I tossed my sheets and my hair and stared at him thinking how much I loved him. They had just returned from the vet's seeing about his bum leg. Despite his manic bounds and leaps around the house to attack my mom's newly bought plants decorating the foyer, he's still been in a great deal of pain. Running is no problem; he just can't walk very well. And when I take him outside to use the bathroom, he sometimes ends up pissing on himself because he can't raise the bum leg, and if he raises the other, the bum leg can't support his back weight. So...it just really fucking sucks.
This is my dog Rigby. My father can't pay for the surgery. It's just way out of his budget right now. They're going to put him down. So if you live in Dubai or Abu Dhabi and don't want to see this happen and think it's in your power to do something about it, please write me. It would mean so much to me. I just can't let that happen right now. I won't be able to take it.

PURPLE DIARY

PURPLE HAS BEEN INFILTRATING MY LIFE FOR THE LAST COUPLE YEARS! So while everyone else is tributing the late M.J. (In the Closet was THE best thing that happened to me musically at the age of 10, but what can I say? I'm just not in the mood for mourning), I shall pay homage to this perennial slice of the rainbow. And this is a mere fraction of my disgustingly vast Violet Beauregarde'd horde.

[really! purple laces: River Island; mirrored cloth knapsack: from a stall at the Old Souq in Dubai; yoga mat: Nike; scrub thing: at your local Boots or something; Palmolive Anti-Stess Aromatherapy Shower Gel with Patchouli, Ylang ylang and Lavender: same as scrub, I guess; exercise ball: ?]

I kinda hate it when I do two consecutive fashion posts but I suppose this is more of a 'Things I Love Tuesdays' meets the colour purple. I was complaining to Panda this morning about how I have a serious lack of things to share with you lately (which I obviously still do), so after watching Dumb and Dumber, I took out my camera and locked myself and some pretty things in the bathroom.

With the help of my mother's impressive wrist-flicking movements while swiping some serious plastic, I was able to start the slow and steady process of replenishing my wardrobe's dwindling post London contents. And as the summer sales are now in full swing, I have a pretty fucking decent armful of fashion newbies in tow that I ACTUALLY don't mind showing you. Turning a new leaf is so fun...and so in fashion.

I actually only have three new buys pictured here (yoga mat, necklace, bag) because I got colour scheme side-tracked (fail!) but runner up posts will no doubt include the rest.

But we must recap on the cultural necklace! It's soooo cool. I bought it at one of the local markets for like the equivalent of 3 quid. And that was only because I 'have a berry bootiful smile'. It's usually filled with arabic perfume or eyeliner and they use the very lethal looking metal prong thing to apply it. Hang that around your neck and you're golden for the day. But I think I'm okay with it having just the one garb garnishing function. Don't really fancy eyeball tetanus.

Other things I like right now:
garlic (did you know sticking a clove of garlic inside your vagina and leaving it there overnight can get rid of a yeast infection? And despite the raging TMI factor of that statement, I'll still find you here tomorrow, am I right?)
Desperate Housewives
fresh watermelon juice
El Dia de los Muertos
impossible heels
fate
the guy singing 5am muslim prayer on loudspeaker somewhere VERY nearby
Native American make-up
those much whispered about Nina Ricci heel-less boots (namely numero uno (MORE PURPLE!))
books about the health benefits of foods in alphabetical order like...
crucifixes
back to back old school Tom and Jerry on the projector in the kid's section of the Marina Mall food court
2 hour bus rides to Dubai
Dandayamana Dhanurasana pose
and Bolthouse Farms Perfectly Protein Vanilla Chai Tea (this cold madness with soy milk, green and chai tea and all this crazy natural good shit blah blah blah which, I swear, if you put this on drip for me, I could quit Starbucks)

I may be heading to Dubai tomorrow to meet this courier who's bringing me this clear retainer for my septum piercing so I can take pictures without embarassing my dad and snag job interviews without embarassing myself. I also have a hip problem. Calling the physiotherapist tomorrow for an appointment.

THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL

Just reminiscing about how sick The Blonds are (in occasional spurts); namely with regards to that spike-ridden corset. And will you dribble over those leather spike-kneed trousers and that collar dripping in chains? Yeah, I think you should. The more hardware the better! This is SO Dimmu Borgir or something...

Annoyingly awesome celebrity combination? Check. Panda, you know who this is.

PAPER CHASE

And I'm just one of a billion other people who DIDN'T think of this first! (from Vantity Farm) Really...really...REALLY anxious to get on my own two feet and own a dope apartment. I've actually been thinking a lot about that lately. Not toilet paper, but this Miss Independent stuff. So can someone please give me a decent job already? Preferably one where a new laptop, pyjamas and luxuriously tossed sheets are involved.

So my L.A trip has been cut back slightly due to the fact that all these major official documents I own are all expiring at the same time. So there's about to be a lot of blood sampling, cotton swabbing, eye and thumb scanning and picture taking. And if you'll notice a couple picture posts back, home girl has a bull ring (my dad hasn't failed to point out half a dozen times). And it's now become, 'Get rid of that ring [that same bull ring that will keep you unemployed, judged and embarassing as my eldest child representative] and I'll help you get a cheaper ticket to L.A.'

So...I'm now on the hunt for a transparent filler for my newborn hole. But guess what? The U.A.E. has made tattoo and piercing studios illegal! Isn't that super? But luckily, it should be fully healed in a little over a week so I might be able to stick my own cleansed and trembling fingers up my nostrils and sort something out just before picture time. Wish me luck because I think it's kind of sexy now!

LOVE SEX MAGIC

I thought as I'm here, I might as well just upload a couple pictures I saved on my laptop eons ago.

I'm likin' Ji's look here....as usual.

And this Lim jacket

And of course a little Kiki de Montparnasse

Two sets of MADNESS from Jak and Jil!

Rayment twins a la the Matrix anyone? LOVES IT!

And lastly, of course, this fucking Rick Owens squeamishness!

I'D LIE IN THE SAND AND VISUALIZE

So...these days I'm generally reluctant to test the new music waters but this is my new favourite listen. Okay, maybe it's relatively old but did you read what I just said?

And El Dia de los Muertos...yeah, love it. I'm definitely feeling fashion inspiration from it and the video. I'm buzzed. Sorta bored of my piercing already, which works out for my dad. Plus Panda isn't keen on it. So what's next? I mean to say...I'm not taking it out yet, but I think I need something else...so what?

Current listen sorted. As for current read...

Gave in and bought this at the airport after Mistress Ivy left yesterday. Went for a blood test to renew my residency visa then today I spent the day rotting in bed. I hate how easy it is to just give up on everything you were working on with a friend after they leave. Didn't do any yoga today or set foot anywhere near our upstairs gym. I spent a great deal running those thoughts through my mind though while tuning into a marathon of CANDY GIRLS! (FUN-NESS! - I don't ever watch TV really but when I do I get addicted to THE VILEST 'reality' shows). I'm going to apply to be a Candy Girl. Why not? It's not like there are any other jobs around these days...unless you can think of some crazy way to exploit yourself on video for MTV or E! So if you ask me, I'm thinkin' ahead. I might even start videotaping my family. I've been zoning out all day and pretending I wasn't a part of it but rather a TV audience. My family is MADE for TV! MADE!

DEATHPROOF

2 things. Even though I found out my US Residency application was accepted yesterday, I still had a pretty shit day + the best fun I've ever had at the cinema was when I went to see Deathproof/Planet Terror in San Jose 2 years ago with Panda. I love old Grindhouse movies so naturally, I tuned in last night when Deathproof came on TV, rather than opting for Mistress Ivy's suggestion of having a night out. I can't imagine why you wouldn't have already seen this one but the gist is, Kiwi homegirl in pink (sexy stunt woman Zoe Bell - in real life and on screen) came all the way to America to visit her friends and to test drive this white Dodge Challenger a la Vanishing Point and do the Ship's Mass stunt on it. Then this crazy old stunt man on the road in his deathproof car (Kurt Russell) comes terrorising them. See the movie. He kills some sexy bitches in a seriously unsexy limb-tearing way earlier on. But this set of bitches just won't have it after he nearly kills them all. So this is the ending scene where they kick his lily ass and which I swear was making my underwear a wild waterslide at a major theme park. Watch past the credits too. Ooh and the end song is sooo good.

So that, with bad expensive red wine from my parent's cabinet, some hummus, pita, tabbouleh and grilled halloumi more than made my night. I'm really loving vegetarianism out here and am getting into the healthy eating crap. It can be fun.

SHE SAID I'VE REACHED ANOTHER ADOLESCENT MONSOON

Yes I did, and I told you I would. Summer Ball. I came. I saw. I got punched in the nose. And that was a week after I had it done. Gorgeous mess doesn't even cover it.

MADNESS TO THE METHOD

Mom's really killer house + her status as a certified interior designer = me doing her portfolio up for her and possibly jumping on the bandwagon with her since I'm jobless in the city. Because getting your nails done with your mom is WAY out these days, we're getting our business cards done together! Here are just a few of the shots I took of our apartment that will hopefully soon be featured in her portfolio and new website.
I definitely suckled some of the decorating skills from her ample bosom so she recently paid me a little som'n som'n to organize the dining arrangement for this themed birthday dinner party she was throwing to surprise a friend. So, no, the random ball lanterns in the corner aren't part of the house's original setup. The theme was Oriental so I was up on ladders slapping shit to the ceiling...just, nonsense. ridonculous. I'm just like her though. Once I get started, I go to deathly measures to get the absolute best out of any item's potential. Mistress Ivy went sunbathing at the pool for hours and came back and we weren't done. By the time I was, I was cranky as hell and didn't feel like doing anything. Plus I wasn't invited to the already fully seated party. Ivy and I did go out for sashimi and unagi rolls though, which naturally cheered me straight up. Nothing gets better than raw salmon and barbecued eel. Well, I suppose a decorating job would.

...grrr toying with the idea of being my mom's partner is definitely not making me at ease about my future. I mean it might mean having to live here in Abu Dhabi, where I know the clientele is raking it in and totally off their rockers for stylish, elaborate interiors, but on the other hand, it unfortunately also means my relationship with Panda will be even moreso long distance. Like how completely polar are Abu Dhabi and Los Angeles? Fuxsake. Stay tuned....

I NEED A JOB

No point sugar-coating it with a fancy song lyric title. I need a job. I'm in Abu Dhabi now. Don't wanna work here. Don't wanna live here. Great for risque holiday trysts with your girlfriend though. Spending a night in the desert. Hyenas included.
Oh and this too. Yet another license I MUST obtain before I die. Actually, I just checked my driver's license and it expires at the end of the month. Meanwhile, my Abu Dhabi resident visa expires in august. Getting a blood test tomorrow. If I have AIDS they're gonna kick me out. Meanwhile multiplied by 2(!!!) my U.S. residency application finally came through. It was accepted. Next up, the interview. And there you have a quick summary of the comings and goings around here.

I apologize a ridiculous amount for this hiatus but there has just been way too much going on lately. I've now left London and have moved back home. I'm trying to catch up with my family at the same time as entertaining my friend Mistress Ivy who's run away for a short Middle Eastern tryst of wrong-doing and yoga avec moi. Then L.A. should be happening in about two weeks, father willing. So please please please don't piss yourselves. I've got a rippin' blog roll on the right hand side and you should try reading novels as well. Go for Hanif Kureishi's 'The Buddha of Suburbia'. I promise to be back and as fully dedicated and as fully retarded as before, but in other settings. Besos.