THIS BLACK HEART STOPS EVERY FUCKING NIGHT

Things I must have, and shouldn't be showing you, from Bitching and Junkfood...among other things.




The shredded Blind Guardian shirt, not so much (can't do cropped and not the biggest fan of shredded tees) but I would love an extra large original for sentimental value. This guy I dated (and fell head over heels for because he was a musician and oh so bad) was obsessed with them and probably had the exact same shirt (unshredded, obvs) which I THINK he wore to my 15th birthday party, which was the first time I had ever met him. He left me with a burnt version of their latest album; I hated it save for a few tracks and covers but eventually, out of love, it grew on me. I miss those days when not one fuck mattered. I dropped out of convent school and pierced my lip. Instead, I have a job interview tomorrow and am teaching Academic Writing next week, both for which the bull ring must go into hiding.

YOU COULD BE MINE

Um, so this is new. To my fellow readers, I am aware that you expect certain standards from me and this breaks most of them but I've been worrying over this post for ages, and as the song says, it's time to face up to your fears.

Okay, so Rihanna has always been on my background radar but for different reasons and now it seems I have something that we can probably validly call an obsession. Maybe. Okay, yes. Every time 'Run This Town' comes on MTV, my brother never fails to point out that the Illuminati is taking over the music industry and that Rihanna (and her new-found dark aesthetic) has recently become a brainwashed member of it. He says (and others have preached this to me before, for reasons I have no clue!) that Jay-Z (and Madonna) particularly have sold their souls to the devil in return for fame and success and that is why they keep sky-rocketing in their careers, and he says that Rihanna, her black lipstick, her SM costumes and her shaved head have become recent recruits. He says this is also what Tupac was running from, and it's evident in his lyrics. Rapper Omarion has even made speculations, among others. This may very well be true but...this appears to be the only reason I click to visit RihannaDaily.com at least 3 times a week now, cuz umm...her new evil stylist Mariel Haenn has her lookin' off the chain! I mean, I've always been a recruit for the dark side of fashion and seeing a black Caribbean "icon" portray that a little more than semi-successfully means I'm basically taking notes.

Now to elaborate on the song and her new music (her songs have Slash solos now?!) - well, I hate pretty much everything else she's sung (and that's purely personal taste, might I add for those friends back home who think I am just a hater - I was, now I'm not)but this song has just stuck for the last week (and I was listening to it way before it aired; it leaked). I just feel like since she's 'shaken hands with Satan' we're much closer to each other now, somehow. Yes, you interpreted that the wrong way - I'm not a satanist, maybe a dark aesthete but the closest I've come to the devil is a Dimmu Borgir or Satyricon album, or maybe The Exorcism of Emily Rose. Anyway, my point is I completely GET these lyrics and they've sort of become branded on my chest - it's exactly the way I feel right now in my life. There are decisions I have to make and things I have to cut loose from and it's scary as fuck. And it's kind of been helping me toughen up. Maybe facing up to your fears and becoming successful, happy and invincible now correlates with being evil. Basically, I'm cool with that.
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But then, my sister doesn't listen to her either and we're both belting out this song, and my mother was caught copying Rih's dancing and middle fingering in the 'Run This Town' video, to the absolute Satan-fearing horror of my theory obsessed brother - maybe it is subliminal messaging. Oh well. To conclude, Mariel Haenn is doing a good job and I shamelessly like this song. Again, sorry for posting this.

BUILD ME A WOMAN, MAKE HER TEN FEET TALL

Got new boots. Should I feed them the purple laces?

OVER FRIENDLY GUESTS YOU'VE BROUGHT TO BED

SOOO HAPPY to have found my camera's battery charger cable. I died on 74 trillion occasions not having my camera these last couple weeks, I swear. Also discovered most parts of Abu Dhabi in my search to find a new cable. They ended up telling me to call some random number in Sharjah (a whole other emirate/state) and they MIGHT have it and could POSSIBLY deliver it to me. It's amazing how all the workers here are so confident they know what they're talking about. They sent me to all these amazing places searching in vain. At the end of the day, while unpacking my summer suitcases the other night, I found the cable tangled up in the cord for my GHD hair straightener - I thought it was part of it. Yeah...I did that...

So anyways, some photos I found on my camera that I've been reminiscing over (no, no sobby ex-boyfriend memories, in case you were worried). London/Beijing/Trinidad/Dubai/Abu Dhabi.

ABOVE IT ALL

Sorry, dudes. I needed those 4 days off. I'm feeling much better about everything after de-activating my twitter and facebook accounts (so no, you weren't deleted from my list) and spending time with myself just having a blast shopping and writing and sleeping and reading...and job-hunting, and this little song/memory from Sesame Street has just contributed to that. Okay, so the latest and greatest...

Looking...shiny and new; I've been slowly giving myself a re-vamp
Reading...The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle by Haruki Murakami; Elle (it took me this long to realise that Elle totally dominates Vogue - no offense - and I'd still love a job at Vogue, please!)
Living...the life
Working...same shit, but with tons of new ideas/projects in mind, which are kinda really fucking exciting
Listening to...Bowie!
Drinking...Chai tea lattes or watermelon juice, most likely
Watching...if I could, I would probably be watching Chungking Express or Pepi, Luci y Bom or Vicky, Christina, Barcelona - some of my faves
Smelling of...CK One and Nivea Creme
Eating...Haven't touched a single carb for 2.5 days now...which leaves room for not much else really..
Dreaming of...fuck dreams
Wearing...leather, (fake) fur, copious rings, black, black, gold, grey, black...and now that I found my camera cable, lots and lots of pictures will be taken, I promise
Walking in...bare-footed
Singing...Sesame Street songs and Britney
Trying...to not eat carbs, to not spend money on Bebe's abso kinkified boots, to not sleep so much, to live in my inspirations
Wanting...a glass of rouge, then a few more, then a cup of Earl Grey

Yeah, this is a pretty boring post but I'll have new stuff up soon enough. Go read a newspaper.

WHERE IN THE WORLD IS CARMEN SANDIEGO?

These T. Anthony Ltd. pieces make me want to hop on a flight pronto! (but it has to be in business or first...). Carmen Sandiego comes to mind.

[A show of hands if you remember her! YEAH! (should've been her for Halloween)]

Speaking of travel, when I was over in LA, a letter came there in the mail addressed to both Panda and I. It was an invitation to our friend's wedding in the Philippines in February. So, we're dates...which, might I remind you, as of 2 days ago, we are no longer together (we had even planned to celebrate Valentine's Day there together). So it's all pretty icky at this stage but I've already made up my mind to still pursue this. After all, it isn't about us; it's about our friends getting married. Also, as I turn 21 in January (lol Harry, fuck you in advance for saying 'oh yeah, I forgot, you're a baby'), I'm going to make a mini self-discovery vacation out of it; one which Filipino Panda probably thinks is my way of saying I'm planning to 'get my groove back' with a new Filipino titled after another animal. I assure you, that is not the case. Panda and I are probably just going to end up rebounding each other, anyways. Then more goodbyes and tears.

RANT ALERT! RANT ALERT! RANT ALERT!

RIGHT! SORRY! BACK TO MY BIRTHDAY! Well, I hear the Philippines is the place to get your procedures done so I'm getting breasts.

Lies. I'm going to clean and bleach my teeth, is all. I think great teeth really transform a person's face. And perfect eyebrows. So, as your girl's eyebrows are thoroughly threaded to perfection every month and a half, teeth come next. The rest, I'll just yoga-fy my way out of. I believe my mother wants to come along and get something done herself but I shouldn't be telling you that. And she probably won't.

After that, Mistress Ivy and I were doing a bit of talking and we're thinking Burning Man/San Francisco/South East Asia next summer. But of course, that is because I expect to be jobless still by then (that would be nice, and not).

And yes, to all those wondering what happened to London this month, that's still in the works. Hold tight...and clear a space on your living room floor.

OF LILIES AND REMAINS

Okay, that wasn't such a long hiatus after all. I MIGHT do a couple more posts tonight since I'm all amped after 40 minutes on the treadmill, self-help reading material and coca cola (yes, my boyfriend and I broke up). But here are links to all the other posts I've written elsewhere that got published today:

Two over at Kill City (one on that ring!!) and my first proper Bitching and Junkfood post on the Where the Wild Things Are opening reception for the Pop-Up shop they opened at Space 15 Twenty last month in LA. I've owed you pictures from that for ages. Next up, the Kill City X Brian Lichtenberg collab party (with an added bonus!), so stay tuned.

P.S. I don't know why my KC posts' layouts are so shit- was having major probs trying to fix those; and my first post was supposed to go second and vice versa, duh (not my fault).

YOU'LL FIND A WAY

I'm always so damn good at finding the perfect depressing song to make me feel even worse when going through one of my spells. Please enjoy this one (or become inspired or slit your wrists to it, whatever). Anyways, I'm going through a lot right now so you might not see much of me on here for a little while. I dunno. Not sure. Just an advanced warning and apology in case. But you know I blog elsewhere now anyways (see right column) and that should tide you over in case A Dirty Word DOES go on hiatus (because I can't just up and not write over on those blogs). Sorry and I love you. I'll chin up as fast as I can.

SEATED FOR THE AESTHETIC FEAST

Images; I dunno.
Also, I've obviously been tampering with my layout.
Lots of changes happening, and about to happen...